the ability to process

It comes in waves. I can’t always see the onset of it, but it always comes in waves.

When you are an empath, there is nothing that stops the faucet of feelings you have every second of the day. Whether it is about a current event or remembering how you were affected by something seven years ago, you FEEL. It is a gift and a burden wrapped up in a package that looks just like me.

I often struggle with finding the words in real life to convey how I am feeling. I seek out the descriptors of emotions from the blood of the poets, their ink, to articulate my thoughts. Sometimes I find a friend in them. Other times, I wonder how I’ll ever be able to manage.

Have you, too, felt this way?

Inwardly wrestling against yourself and the need to know and understand so much that your body begins to shut down?

I felt this today, and with the current state of the world, I chose to back off. I opted out.

So many are calling this a privilege that I am using to avoid a situation.

I know I cannot be helpful in the way they so desire if I remain where I am.

Most importantly, I cannot hear God when I am busy trying to solve the world’s issues on threads of life. I have not met with him today. These words are the closest time we’ve spent together, but I know He is with me. He helped me get off of social media today. He helped me silently put it away and just be. I am here, breathing. Taking it all in slowly, and laying it right back down at his feet.

He is the only one who has ever helped me process my emotions. He is the only one who truly understands the weights I feel, and He is helping me see my priorities.

If I want to be a teacher, I must first be a student.

And, so, here I am.

A student.

I have absolutely no idea how to be “adequate” enough for anyone in the world who has an agenda, good or bad. I’m going to be authentic with all, vulnerable with a few, and raw with Him. This is my lesson, to sit and know him better that I may be able to share him with others.

This is a long journey. But I will see the fears I have of not being enough and raise them the fear that this just might be the best reason to keep going.

He is enough every minute of everyday.

Thank goodness.